Let's not Call Our Children "Beautiful"

It was the last day of term for our drama class and one of the parents had brought in some chocolates for us all to share in break time. I offered them around the class asking “are you allowed to have one?” Because they contained marshmallow and I have to be cautious of dietary restrictions and allergy’s. One child told me they weren’t allowed sugar and that was that - I admire that they’re aware of this and was able to tell me and turn down the treats. Another child said she didn’t want one because she needed to loose weight.

My heart sunk. This child isn’t anywhere near overweight. Why does this 5 year old want to loose weight?! Why shoes she care?! And who or what has made her feel like she needs to?!

And it got me thinking. Of all the girls she looks up to, is it the tv shows she watches? The singers and girl bands she listens to? Are we training children to believe unrealistic ideals of beauty that we, adults, struggle to battle....at five years old?!

Or is it because she gets praised for being beautiful? About wearing a beautiful dress or having gorgeous long hair? Has she subconsciously learnt that the most import things are face value? My guess is that in the world of photoshop and facetune we live in, its a big combination of these.

Now, I’m not at all saying we should stop calling our children beautiful, handsome or pretty. I’m saying we should incorporate other compliments, as compliments on physicalities ”could be interpreted by the child that you're defining her as that, therefore that's what her worth or value is," says Dr. Jill M. Emanuele, senior clinical psychologist and director of training at the Child Mind Institute's Anxiety and Mood Disorders Centre. Imagine the only compliments our child gets are about his/her looks? They might start to believe that their looks are all that matters.

If we compliment the children in our lives about their leadership skills, or how kind and funny they are, then, maybe instead of looking up to the perfect superstars and tv characters she/he’s surrounded by and comparing her/his looks to theirs…they might focus on and instead look up to their idol’s other qualities.

Here’s some compliments to give to children that aren’t about their looks:

- That's a really great idea!

- You have a great imagination

- You are so brave

- You're kind 

- You're so funny!

- You are a great leader!

- You are so thoughtful

- Well done, you always try your best

- You are a very good friend

- You taught me something new!

- I'm so proud of you

- You ask great questions

We’ve made this into a little printable graphic:

If a child wants to show you their new dress, instead of giving your opinion on the dress (thats a beautiful dress, you look so pretty!), we can engage them in questions and ask them what they think about their dress: wow, is that your favourite dress? is *dress colour* your favourite colour? It lets them know that they are more worthy than the dress they’re wearing.

Here’s to us all raising/teaching wonderful, bright, hilarious, confident, care free children that grow into wonderful, bright, hilarious, confident, care free adults!

Have a lovely day

xo

#raisinggirls #mummyblog #childmentalhealth #mentalhealth #positivebodyimage